Conversations with dad from a bar

I’m about to lie to you.
Where? At home
How? Alright
What? Nothing
My life silent like the sea
calm on the surface
simmering underneath.

We’re in a maze
(this relationship)
full of expectations and dead ends
and foul play.
The promise of freedom
at every turn,
denied at the next.

The maze is built with love
its walls reek
of affection unreceived
as I trample upon
expectations put to anxious rest
waiting to be noticed.
But I look away.

I look into the blank
space beyond the counter
as I lie to you
and reassure you
that I’m still the child
you raised me to be.
No more, just a child.

With that, the maze deepens
Are the walls closing in?
Or am I growing up?
Either way, there is little room
(Only just enough for a child).
And what of her world?
“This is her world.”

Everyone in the bar
knows of the conspiracy
the child has spun
to become her own person
in another world.
It’s written on her face
she’s looking for refuge.